The Lie Against Truth, Love, Joy and Forgiveness

We all listen to the Lie in pitiful attempts to hold still the tongue of Truth.

We find any way possible to convince ourselves that it is acceptable to succumb to the Lie that whispers seductively in the silence of our barren thoughts. The sultry Lie that bats eyelashes and strokes our ego draws us ever closer to our decision of potential demise. The Lie tints our precious photographs to shades of horror and alters our treasures so they are barely able to be recognized. The Lie attempts to find loopholes in Love to thwart our perception and ultimately alter our trust. 

The Lie wants us to believe that there is no safety or reward in Love. The Lie taunts and teases with a temptation seemingly too great to ignore. The Lie persuades us that our pending happiness now is too great to bear and must be sought out and conquered. The Lie reveals the tools we need to meet our own desires and we rush to retrieve them and pursue our personal White Stag. We willingly allow the Lie to silence the Truth which begs for our return so we can devote the entire amount of our attention to robbing Love and removing all traces of Joy. We are so easily distracted with the radiant shimmer and siren screams of our most desperate yearnings. 

We become so very distracted in fact that we knowingly  acknowledge yet refuse the desperate beaconing calls of Truth, Love and Joy as it offers Forgiveness. We only become aware of this cavern made of our choices once our treasures lay before us in ashes and embers illuminating the webs of deceit and pain which mask our beloved Truth. Rivers of bitter sorrow and failure seem the only occupants of our uttering in earnest penance.

Yet through the mass of rubble and resentment, Truth still petitions, Love still pleads and Joy still holds wide its embrace. Our dear guide, Forgiveness, willingly and urgently rushes us back to our home. Joy urges all within reach and sight to advance preparations for mending amongst the rush of bliss that we are safe again. Love races against nature itself with eyes ever fixed on us to come alongside our broken bodies dragging a beaten soul behind. As Love and Joy combine over the shell of anger and wounds to repair what little is left of us, Truth keeps an ever watchful eye to account for every fallen tear. 

In the still and calm of steady healing, Truth enters to sit beside us. Truth may appear as a dear and faithful friend or a loved one refusing to be pushed aside for our hollow pursuit of transient pleasure. But Truth never ceases to speak healing and discipline through a language only to be translated and applied through the lips of Love and Joy. Forgiveness perpetually offers its blanket of comfort as Truth, Love and Joy mend the soul we fought so ardently to control. 

And through our aided restoration, we wonder,

"Was it worth it?"

Now ask yourself this:

"What is my Lie?"



[This song fits with the last part really well. Spend a moment reflecting.]
 

The Dad

I sent my dad a message today. I frequently forget how much he loves me until I hear another dad talk about his own baby girl. 

So, this last weekend, CRU had our annual Women's Retreat. Right after we played the 'ice-breaker' game, the girls started networking and exchanging numbers and whipping out their planners for potential hang out times. I was placed in leadership for the worship and it went pretty well. We had one of our staff women give a talk on Friday night about Mark 12:41-44.

We had a massive amount of time to go to different stations and reflect on what we'd learned and just spend some time with God before we got into small groups. I found that all of the girls in my group were going through similar things and we were able to encourage each other while searching for tissues.

The next morning, one of the staff men came to give the last talk. His name is Jason Randles and he's married and has two little kids [Coleman - 4 years ,and Reese - 18 months]. His talk was actually one of the best that I've ever heard at any women's function. He gave us the talk that he wants to have with his daughter, Reese, when she's old enough to date [which will be in 20 or 30 years, according to him].

He called it:

The 10 things I want my daughter to know about Men:
1 - there is a difference between 'boys' and 'men'.
   ---They may look like Men but they'll act like Boys.
2 - Boys will chase her. Men will pursue her
   ---Men will honor her
   ---Boys will just see her as a game
3 - Boys will shy away from the dad. Men will call him into the process.
4 - The process of boys becoming men is a different process than how girls become women
   ---They don't just 'figure out' manhood.
   ---They must learn from mistakes.
5 - Boys will say anything. Men will follow through.
   ---Boys through "I love you" around
   ---Men behave like "I love you"
6 - Boys aren't good communicators. Men aren't either.
   --- [This part was funny! He kept telling stories about men missing hints and women getting mad and then women picking up the hints that aren't there because it's a man talking ... It seemed accurate!]
   ---Men must be told directly.
7 - Boys are passive. Men accept responsibility.
   ---Boys don't take the risk.
   ---Men chase the visions.
8 - Boys will want her to be his best friend. Men will understand that she can't.
   ---Women can't rely on men.
   ---Men must have close guy friends.
9 - When they look at her, Boys will think some things different than the respect Men will give her.
10 - Boys follow selfish desires. men humbly seek God's will through prayer, other men and God's spirit.
   ---[If a guy says, :God's telling me to pursue you.", he said you can separate the Boys from the Men with one question and their answer will give a clear picture: "Yeah?? How is he telling you??" If he uses these resources, then use your best judgment. If he says, "I just feel it.", punch him in the teeth and walk away.]



It was one of the BEST talks I'd heard in a few years. But it was redundant. I've heard this my whole life.

From you.

It was never put into bullet points and illustrated with a power point presentation and worksheet to follow along. I know these things from the way you love all of the women in our family and when you get together with the men. I have grown up knowing these things from Day 1. It took another dad putting it all together in a neat folder for his own 18 month old daughter for me to connect the dots.

That was longer than I was expecting it to be but it all spells out a few words ...

I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day,
'Miss Jiff'

Every year when February 14th gets closer and closer, I start to get kinda disgusted and grumpy when I hear from my friends about all of the sappy, sticky, gooey romantic-ness happening everywhere. But I always end up turning into one of them. My dad is not be the most eloquent man to ever walk the earth but he's the man that I can always count on provide, discipline, love and protect me as long as he breathes.

I love my dad. 

I need your help ...

I have an absolutely amazing dream for this coming summer ... 

I really want to go to prison.

Matthew 25:36 " ... I was in prison and you came to me."

Oh, that may not be the best way to phrase that. What I mean is that I have a strong desire to attend a certain Summer Project as and Intern that happens to be located in Seattle, WA and targets inner city ministry. Part of this is going into prisons and meeting the needs of impoverished people around us. 

I have yet to hear back if I've been officially accepted or not, although I'm fairly sure I'll make it. But regardless of my certainty in making it to the "Attending" list, I am becoming increasingly nervous about the work we will be doing this summer and just thinking about raising the $2,900 to be able to go is a tad stressful. 

I am asking for your prayers with me on this. I know I am supposed to go on this Summer Project. I am confident that God has led me to this point and is urging me to continue forward in this journey. 

Will you walk with me?? 

I need people to stand with me in prayer as I approach this new bend in the road. We never travel alone and I am inviting you to come with me. Come with me on this adventure. Learn and grow with me. 

I'll keep you posted on any developments as the summer gets ever closer and passes by.

The Story of Jennifer Lovejoy

I have always struggled with trusting people. 

Ever since I can remember, my walk with God has been either blazing hot or freezing cold depending on my relationships with those around me. When I would be hurt by friends or family, I'd turn to God to fill that void. Once things with them had been straightened out, I'd put God back on His little spot on the shelf until I needed Him again. 

I had formed a habit of thinking I was getting through things in life just fine, and then when something didn't go according to plan, I'd cling to God. 

This pattern was broken when I moved to Eastern Washington University in September of '09. I knew no one, not even my room mates, my family was five hours away and I realized how shallow a life I had been living.

I broke down. I cried for two weeks. I told God that I needed Him all the time not just in the times that I have nothing on my social calendar. I found that by spending time with God, I could practice everything I learned from Him on the people He put in my life.  

It's been a challenge at times to keep my trust in God. But He never fails to remind me that He has provided for me in the past by meeting my most basic needs. 

I know I can trust that God 

will continue to provide for me 

in the future.

Am I Beautiful??

BEAUTIFUL FOR ME

By Nichole Nordeman

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection
Twirl around, stare it down
What’s the mirror gonna say
With some luck, you’ll measure up
But you might not hold a candle to the rest
“Is that your best?” says the mirror to the mess

But there’s a whisper in the noise
Can you hear a little voice
and he says

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see
Oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful for me

If it’s true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder
What my life and what’s inside to give him something to behold
I want a heart that’s captivating
I wanna hear my Father say

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see
Oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful for me

Close your eyes
Look inside
Let me see the you that you’ve been trying to hide
Long ago, I made you so very beautiful
So I ought to know you’re beautiful

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see
Yeah
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you beautiful
You’re so beautiful
Beautiful for me
So beautiful for me
Has anybody told you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orc4TuIO56s

This post runs the risk of sounding just like another girl rambling about finding beauty and worth. 

     But it's different. 

I've found it. I've had this knowledge for years and I keep forgetting about it. 

The past several days have been remarkably difficult! I've spent hours crying due to stress, gallons of hot water in the tub trying to relax, a box of matches lighting candles to calm my nerves, three pens and a pink highlighter writing notes in preparation for Finals Week, and countless conversations with my dear friends and my poor and ever patient mom trying to figure out why I was freaking out so intensely. 

     The reasons??

Well, I'm a girl and girls tend to worry about things that usually don't deserve a second thought, let alone a first. I allowed myself to start to drown in worry and doubt regarding school, friends, family, my worth to God, others and myself. I let thoughts of deceit creep in to betray me and urge me to believe that I held no importance. 

This seems so silly now that I'm writing it down and I can see a bit more clearly. 

In the moment, I was caught up in the false idea that I: 

• Do not deserve the attention and dedication of others
• Do not qualify for a position of the slightest desire in God's eyes
• Have no plan set aside just for me 
• Am not making any impression on my campus
• Do not have the heart to bring others up
• Am not a strong woman of God
• Am not beautiful in any sense of the word

. . . These are all lies . . .

I am a daughter of the King! I am capable of sending the strongest demons to shudder in fear by merely speaking with my Father! I am able to show great love and compassion because I have known LOVE that could not be held by death! I am desired by God!

     ... My God ...

I have been made by the same hands that formed the stars and I am loved more than all of them combined and multiplied.

I have been chased by the feet skewered with a nail that held Him to a cross for me many years ago. 

I am held in the arms that were raised to calm oceans and now wrap around me to quiet my soul. 

I am led by a voice that sings over me in delirious joy and reminds me of my endless worth. 

I am disciplined by the hands that endured hours of agony for a divine and seemingly ridiculous love.

I am carried on the back that is scared from whips and scorn when I become too weak to even lift my own head. 

     ... and most of all ... 

I am His. 

There really is no point in trying to ignore my biggest fan. It's strange to think that this reminder came during Finals Week and that this stress briefly overtook my mind. 

I guess God knows when I need to be encouraged that I am beautiful to Him and He's the best mirror. 

He knows I'm just a silly little girl that tends to misplace her own value and I'm so thankful that He's patient and never fails to remind me that I am His. 

And He is mine. 

 I have been bought with the precious blood of Christ.

<3

Walking

My dad's dad passed away on Thursday. I was never close with him. I saw him probably about 10 times in my life and received the classic birthday cards signed with only a name and contained a few dollars.

So I really shouldn't be that sad over losing him, right??

Wrong.

I've only mourned over losing people I know I'll see again.
When Ellen Burns died, I wept but I know I can worship with her when I die.
When Grandma George died, I wept but I get to sing with her and drown out the angels.
When Grandma Guerry died, I wept but I get to dance with her at the feet of God.

I will never see Grandpa Durrant again. I never saw him while he was living but I'll never get to sing my heaven song with him or dance with him. I'm fine with losing him physically. But to know that he is forever spiritually lost is breaking me down.

He was not a Christian. Every time anyone in my family would see him, we'd start talking with him about what God's doing in our lives. We wanted to share our lives with him. He never wanted to listen. When I was about 5 years old, Grandpa Durrant had a tea party with me. I remember it so clearly. I wore my Easter dress and a hat and we had tea in my pretty, pink china that my dad had gotten me from Poland. We set the table, smoothed out the wrinkles from the tablecloth and he helped me make cucumber tea sandwiches and arranged them on little plates. We sat down to tea and I started telling him about Jesus. He tried to change the subject but I wouldn't have it. I kept talking about Jesus.

Finally, he got up and walked away.

He walked away from Jesus his whole life.

A few hours before my dad called to tell me about his dad, I got this strange feeling. The kind of feeling you get when you're standing at the kitchen counter or your desk and you can feel someone behind you. Only there was never anyone behind me. It was so strange! I was feeling this way up until last night [Saturday night].

I kept having dreams as well. Dreams of fire and darkness. And I could hear screaming. The kind of screams that come from mothers that can't find their children. The screams that come from men unable to hold their families ever again.The screams that come from children after a night terror. The screams that come from the worst pain you can ever imagine.

I would wake up screaming with them.

I was dreaming about people being separated. In the beginning of Genesis, death means spiritual death, not physical death. And this spiritual death doesn't mean you are buried in some other world or you become reincarnated. It means you are separated from God. We cannot live without Him so to be eternally torn apart from Him is the ultimate death.

I'm not mourning for the physical death of a man I hardly knew. I mourning for the spiritual death of a man that never wanted Life.

I know this sounds all "preachy" but I'm telling you the truth about what's going on in my heart.

I've made a choice to walk with God.

He made choices to walk away from God.

Which way are you walking??

I am a tad easily amused ...

The following is a mere glance into my mind and the things I think are funny in the slightest. You have my permission to dislike it, but I still find it humorous. 

The "M" means Man, because the name of the other participant in this nonsense begins with a "J" as well and that would just get confusing .

The "J" means Jennifer, because that is my name. It's quite basic.

The conversation you are about to view took place Tuesday, September 21st, 2010 between the hours of 11:45 am and 1:00 pm all by the means of texting.

M – Can we please speak in song? Starting after this message?

M – Let’s get it started.

J – I want you to know when you hold my hand, you hold my heart.

J – I am in misery! There ain’t nobody who can comfort me! Why won’t you answer me?? The silence is slowly killing me!

M – I am lost for words, so lost in love …

J – Hit me, baby! One more time!

M – Do you feel like a man, when you push her around, do you feel better now as she falls to the ground (I don’t like this domestic violence theme)

J – I’m stronger than yesterday! Love ain’t nothing but a mile away. My loneliness ain’t killing me no more.

M – You drive me crazy, I just can’t sleep.

J – It’s hard to say I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep because my dreams are bursting at the seams.

M – These dreams, go on when I close my eyes.

J – Shut your eyes and sing to me …

M – Killing me softly, with his song …

J – If I get murdered in the city, don’t go revenging in my name …

M – Don’t go breaking my heart …

J – I won’t go breaking your heart!

M – I will survive! I will surviiiive …

J – I should have changed that stupid lock …

M – Hey there Delilah don’t you worry about the distance, I’m right there if you get lonely give this song another listen close your eyes, I’m by your side.

J – It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking in the dark!

M – Private eyes, are watching you, they see your every move.

J – I am beautiful in every single way. Words can’t bring me down.

M – Hey good lookin, whatcha got cookin

J – You’re so vain …

M – I’m too sexy for my shirt …

J – I think we’re alone now. The beating of our hearts is the only sound.

M – Stop, children what’s that sound, everybody look what’s going down.

J – You spin my head right ‘round, right ‘round …

M – We’re going down, down in an earlier round …

J – And sugar we’re going down swinging …

M – It’s getting hot in here …

J – The roof is on fire!

M – Wearing next to nothing cuz it’s hot as an oven!

J – Nothing can separate …

M – I will always love you!

J – Well I’m not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you … I want to make you move …

M – Dare you to move …

J – Dare you to run …

M – Slow dancing in a burning room

J – I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted …

M – Wait! I take that back! “If I lay here, if I just lay here”

J – Lay in open fields with me and just stare at the diamonds of the night …

M – When I look at the stars, I find myself.

J – I look into your eyes and I find love …

M – When you look me in the eyes, I catch a glimpse of Heaven.

J – I can’t wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song …

M – Ok, I’m out of quotes. Game over. Well played my friend.

J – Good, I need to shower. Perfect timing! 

**Disclaimer:**

This post really serves no purpose other than to fulfill my desire for amusement.

Goodbyes and Future Plans

Why is it suddenly so hard to say goodbye??

When we all spread out from the camp I was pretty well held together and didn’t cry very much. But when we have a mini reunion down in Pullman, I sob like a toddler in the midst of a huge temper tantrum! 

I miss it so much! Just talking about what we all learned and bringing up inside jokes just showed me that I ache to have that strong community again. ­I realize that it's totally ridiculous to be longing for it when I have so much ahead of me for this school year. I've already forgotten what it was like to tell just anyone a funny story about your day, cry with them about spilling milk [a.k.a = just about anything] and pray with them about anything!

LTSP’10 will always be in the top 4 of my favorite summers ever. 

Here’s why:

A - I grew in such strong relationships with so many people! It was like “Instant Best Friend: Just Add Water!” The people that went on projects before me were not joking about forming lasting relationships! I understand now why they say that they made life-long friends there.

B - I became much more confident in going sharing and completing follow-ups. I know the intensity of what I have in Him and I know how to use the tools I have to build up baby Christians and then go out to make more!

C - I learned how to listen to Him and trust Him. Both of these were/are very hard lessons to grasp, but I’m increasingly thankful that He is patient and loving. He knows I’m just a stupid human girl that’s going to screw up in trying to follow through with whatever He has for me. 

I find myself forgetting all that needs to be done this year and everyone we want to reach when I keep looking back in longing. It’s hard not to want it all back. 

It’s unreasonable to wish that LTSP’10 would never end and that you could just carry everyone around in your pocket with you all the time, but there’s still some fraction of my heart that wants nothing else. 

So please pray for us. 

Pray that we can all bring our passions and lessons from LTSP’10 onto our campuses.

Pray that we will continue to bring each other up with encouragement and challenging each other’s walks.

Pray that we will remember LTSP’10 with admiration.

Pray that we will push forward to show others that they may have the same growth we did.

Pray that we receive His protection and direction as we step onto the front lines of this spiritual war zone. The enemy will do everything to try to convince us that we’re not making a difference, turn us on each other and even turn our bodies on us.

Praise Him that we were able to come have our paths altered so dramatically! 

I will always miss the summer of 2010 … 

And I will always be thankful to have had this summer as a firm foundation for the rest of my life.